How to Build a Successful Marriage

Often, marriage is defined by the deep, loving connection two people share together as they step forth in life to achieve milestones together as one. Some people view it as the pinnacle of partnership, while some cannot fathom the idea of marrying another person.

Thanks to cinema, media, or personal experience, some individuals view marriage as a terrifying institution. But the reality is, there is nothing inherently alarming about it; it is people’s misconstrued ideology of marriage along with marrying without maturity that creates these deeply rooted fears. 

In actuality, marriage is just a healthy union that merges two people with understanding, respect, responsibility, and the desire to evolve alongside each other. Because of the lack of understanding about this concept, people often face dissatisfaction followed by breakdown of their relationships. With the right mindset, youngsters can foster fulfilling relationships that aid in the personal growth of the couple.

Marriage: A Responsibility, Not a Burden

Fear of marriage often lies because of how it is viewed by many – as a burden, a trap, or something that would somewhat automatically diminish their freedom and happiness. This, however, is a great misunderstanding.

Marriage is not a prison; it is a leap of faith towards forming a life-long bond with a person whose principles in life, aspirations, and goals are aligned to yours. It entails building a life together, aiding one another, while also developing as an individual within the bonds of a relationship.

But there is an element of responsibility with marriage. Its not simply the ‘perfect’ wedding day, the celebrations or the romantic moments that matter. It is about the never ending promise to be there for your partner and about the conscious effort for constructive communication to lay the foundations to support each other through the incredibly trying and uplifting moments life brings.

Too many young adults marry with the preconception that love will represent itself in a multitude of ways, leaving some if not most of the effort being unnecessary. The truth remains that love itself is not sufficient; it alone will not sustain a lifetime romantic partnership without effort, compromise, and determination for it to truly work.

Why Do Marriages Fail?

There are a number of reasons that may lead to the breakdown of a marriage, among them, the most important is that people do not understand their part in a relationship. People tend to enter the marriage institution with the needed emotional and physical support that they expect it to provide without understanding that self development and responsibility are key to such a relationship. Thus, here are some of the key reasons as to why marriages are doomed to fail:

1. Deterioration of Constructive Communication

Communication is regarded as the most harmful reason that leads to unwanted marital dissolution. After the honeymoon stage, many couples do not communicate with each other effectively. Such relationships may face frustration, anger, resentment, and even growing distance because of unfulfilled, lost expectations and grievances that were never stated in the first place. If there is no constructive communication in a healthy manner, the stronghold of the marriage starts to weaken and the marriage may not last long enough to have issues that need solving.

2. Excessive Expectations

Every single one of us is guilty of this, and we have to stop esteeming people that we think will treat us in a certain manner without us having to ask. Some folks begin marriage holding onto expectations that may be impossible to meet – such as their partner being emotionally and financially sufficient or else endearing to their every whim.

With the reality that marriages tend to set in afterwards, many may not have an answer and claim to feel disheartened, let down, or worse, disgusted. Not wanting to address these problems, couples may resort to negative behaviors like blaming one another and emotional withdrawal, leading to a crumbling marriage.

3. Neglecting One’s Growth

To some, marriage may seem as an union of two well-established individuals. In reality, a marriage is an amalgamation of two people with different backgrounds and experiences. Oftentimes, it is easy to forget the need of evolving as a person on their own while being in a marriage.

Lack of personal growth can easily put emotional strain on the connection between partners, for instance a marriage can face issues if any of the partners does not achieve emotional maturity, financial independence, or proper self assessment. 

4. Failure To Move With The Times

Regular shifts occur in life and so do people. As time passes, the nature of marriage also evolves. If there are people who consider quitting their job or making a move because of health issues or family shifts, then it is important to notice that adaptability is critical in a marriage. Patience alongside having the ability to change are the keys to a successful long-term marriage. 

5. No Common Goals

Partners tend to change over time and so can their core values, priorities and goals. If not managed properly, such changes can serve as a source of conflict. To prevent this, focusing on goals and understanding each other’s aspirations becomes necessary for a more peaceful relationship.

Marriage Is Not Scary: People Are

Marital anxiety stems from the fear of commitment, vulnerability, and even failure. The societal norms and expectations surrounding marriage are so great that they aggravate an individual’s existing self-doubts and emotional ineptness. Unlike beliefs, marriage in itself is not a monstrous concept; it requires a leap of faith from either party but not without confronting the individual’s internal battles that spook them in the first place.

People often say that marriage is a difficult institution, but fail to understand that their expectations from it may be flawed. Undesirable fears surround marriage because it is largely perceived as a means to resolve an individual’s problems or emotional crises.

No marriage or relationship, regardless of how supportive it is, can strengthen personal insecurities or heal unresolved emotional trauma. For many, marriage is an emotional trap that masks fears, insecurities, and endless emotional burdens. Thus, it is essential to step into a marriage as a whole with the willingness and capability to foster love but also nurture and accept unrequited love.

Self-Reflection and Growth

Self-reflective work is essential before taking the step towards marriage. Ask yourself the following: Do I possess the requisite emotional maturity to fulfill a lifelong promise? Am I poised to facilitate my spouse’s aspirations while pursuing my own?

Am I capable of addressing disagreements positively, or do I lack the courage to have tough conversations? Answering these questions will assist you in understanding your readiness to undertake the obligation that marriage entails.

Moving on, development as a person is a continuous, never ending journey and thus it should be remembered that marriage should not be regarded as a remedy for personal problems. Rather, it should be viewed as two people coming together willing to work on their personal growth as well as one another’s.

Guidance for a Successful Marriage

It is very important for young couples planning to marry to be conversant with the elements that make a strong and meaningful relationship. Here are some pieces of advice useful for a productive marriage:

1. Developing Healthy Communication Habits Good communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. It’s important to be open, honest, and respectful when discussing your feelings, concerns, and needs. Don’t let misunderstandings fester into bigger problems—address issues as they arise and be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective.
   
   Solution: Practice active listening, where you give your full attention to your partner without interrupting. Try to understand their point of view before offering your own.
   
2. Set Realistic Expectations Understand that no one is perfect, and neither is your marriage. There will be good times and bad times, but the key is to manage your expectations and focus on making the relationship work, even through difficulties. Approach marriage with the understanding that it is a journey, not a destination.
   
   Solution: Don’t expect your partner to complete you or to be the source of all your happiness. Take responsibility for your own emotional well-being.
   
3. Work on Personal Growth A successful marriage requires both partners to continue growing and evolving as individuals. Don’t lose sight of your personal goals and aspirations. Support each other’s individual growth while also working together as a team.
   
   Solution: Commit to self-improvement—whether it’s in your career, health, or emotional intelligence. Encourage your partner to pursue their passions as well.
   
4. Learn to Compromise In marriage, compromise is essential. You won’t always agree on everything, and that’s okay. What matters is finding common ground and being willing to make sacrifices for the benefit of the relationship.
   
   Solution: Approach conflicts with the mindset of collaboration rather than confrontation. Ask, “How can we both get our needs met?” instead of focusing on “winning” an argument.
   
5. Keep the Romance Alive While marriage requires practical considerations, it’s also important to keep the romantic spark alive. Make time for date nights, physical affection, and expressing love in ways that nurture the emotional connection.
   
   Solution: Regularly check in with your partner and make time for each other amidst the responsibilities of life.
   
6. Seek Professional Help if Needed Sometimes, despite your best efforts, there may be issues that feel insurmountable. If this happens, don’t hesitate to seek couples therapy or relationship counseling. Professional help can provide valuable insights and tools to strengthen your marriage.
   
   Solution: Be open to therapy if you’re facing challenges. Marriage counseling can help you both navigate difficult situations and develop stronger communication skills.
   

Conclusion: Embrace Marriage as a Journey, Not a Destination

At its most basic level, marriage is not something one should dread. Rather, it presents an opportunity to live life together with another person whose dreams and values are aligned with yours, and who aspires to achieve them with you. Granted that it bears a few challenges, however every challenge can be solved given the right frame of mind, hard work, and the willingness to develop and evolve as both a person and a spouse.

To the younger generation: a partnership is never a scary challenge – make it a respectful and meaningful realm of your life. A marriage that works is one in which each partner learns to respect the other, communicate freely, and grow as a people. A fulfilling, durable, and resilient marriage is achievable by taking personal responsibility, managing expectations, and working in a team.

Marriage is not a singular decision to be made once. It’s a commitment to sustain throughout, investing into the other person and the partnership for decades to come. Worried that marriage may be overwhelming? With care, responsibility, and respect, marriage is one of the most wonderful things that can happen to a person, and should be relished rather than feared.